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Post by Will 2 on Jan 5, 2006 23:58:27 GMT -5
Okay, here's my new year's resolution: If any band forms in 2006 (or beyond) with any of the following annoying traits, I will not listen to them. I won't even give them a chance.
X's around the bandname (in any way other than as a joke, which I will let pass)
Songs about "the straight edge," "unity" or "brotherhood"
Songs about "taking the scene back" (they've been singing about that shit since 1988, consider the mission not accomplished)
Bands named after gross diseases
Bands that pretend to care about the environment, class issues, or women's rights (if you really gave two shits, you'd be an activist, not a band- Aren't there enough people singing about this stuff? Isn't it getting a little old?)
Any band that lyrically references French philospohers, French film-makers, or the French in general.
Any band with a sentence phrase name (ala "This ship is sinking")
Any bands that have supposedly ironic lyrics about sex (it's been done to death and wasn't even funny the first two thousand times around)
Any bands that pretend to care about keeping things "posi" ("Posi" is a disease)
If I can't read the band name, I won't listen
If I can't pronounce the band name, I won't listen
If they pretend they're artistic and don't have song titles, just track numbers/weird symbols, I won't listen and I'll probably break whatever copies of the record I can find
Any joke bands
If your band tries to fool adolescent girls into thinking you have the capacity to have real "emotions" because you scream 4th grade poetry
Any screamo band that is even influenced by real screamo. Because real screamo sucks, too
Any vague lyrical reference to a "revolution" that is not happening, and were it to, the band would not be part of it, anyway
If your band tries to be situationest rock. You just sound like college yuppie kids who don't care about anything trying to get girls by pretending you're intellectual.
Anyone else got anything to add?
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greg
Full Member
Posts: 173
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Post by greg on Jan 6, 2006 0:07:01 GMT -5
sounds like your resolution should have been something along the lines of having a more open mind
that, or a resolution against making extremely long lists
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Post by Will 2 on Jan 6, 2006 0:26:08 GMT -5
I was trying to point out that there are some rather ridiculous traits that bands basically steal from other bands, kind of saturating everything.
Anyway, I forgot to mention: No more stoner sludge metal (except if Wino starts a new band. Then I am all on board).
Also, no more bands that have more than 5 members (okay, I will give leeway at 6, but 7 is too much and I will not even give them a chance)
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greg
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Post by greg on Jan 6, 2006 0:37:46 GMT -5
"Bands named after gross diseases" - most often these bands actually do suck, because goregrind is, in my opinion, the worst kind of music next to 'noise'
"Bands that pretend to care about the environment, class issues, or women's rights" - yea this sucks, but you can't really tell if they are pretending, unless they sing about women's struggles and then go talk about "bitches and hos" or something
"Any band with a sentence phrase name" - annoying, yes. but there have been a lot of band names used and people are running out of ideas, obviously
"Any bands that have supposedly ironic lyrics about sex" - this really is bad. or ironic "rape" related lyrics, ala pig destroyer and a bunch of other stuff like that
"Any screamo band that is even influenced by real screamo" - it is a very watered-down genre anymore, yes. but there are bands that keep it real, mustaphamond for one, but that may fall into your "bands whose names i can't pronounce" thing
yea thats about it... just saying. i think my resolution is to start a band with every one of those qualities, plus more. i'm going to start skimming some medical journals for a name right now. there has to be some kind of south american flesh-eating bacteria whose name just rolls off your tongue.
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Post by Will 2 on Jan 6, 2006 1:30:41 GMT -5
You can have Lorenzo's Oil... Wicked sweet disease movie name. Every song can start with a sample of Nick Nolte doing his really bad Italian accent. To throw in another gimmick, put the track listing on your 30 song 7 inch in binary code. "Shit's crazy underground!"
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greg
Full Member
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Post by greg on Jan 6, 2006 2:07:21 GMT -5
the binary code version will be a first pressing limited to 8 copies. all future pressings will be in braille.
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Post by AR on Jan 6, 2006 2:37:07 GMT -5
Oh god will! I don't agree with any of this... well, maybe a couple of things...
"X's around the bandname (in any way other than as a joke, which I will let pass)
Songs about "the straight edge," "unity" or "brotherhood"
Songs about "taking the scene back" (they've been singing about that shit since 1988, consider the mission not accomplished)"
I've never really liked any of these all that much anyways... no harm done.
"Any bands that have supposedly ironic lyrics about sex (it's been done to death and wasn't even funny the first two thousand times around)"
Maybe once... one time on one line on one song is okay. maybe. Delivery is important here. Anal Cunt should kill themselves right now though.
"If your band tries to fool adolescent girls into thinking you have the capacity to have real "emotions" because you scream 4th grade poetry"
okay okay... did you get this on buddyhead? Because you shouldn't do that. They're scene cops ya hear? Ass, titties, ass & titties... that's all they want and care about. I'm not gonna name names, but besides the obvious like fallout boy or sum 41 let's be honest: punk rock IS 4th grade poetry!
"Any vague lyrical reference to a "revolution" that is not happening, and were it to, the band would not be part of it, anyway"
Marx was a poser. We all know it, why don't we just admit it? huh? huh? I saw International Noise Conspiracy a handful of times before I realized they were full of it and their pockets full of my cash.
"I was trying to point out that there are some rather ridiculous traits that bands basically steal from other bands, kind of saturating everything."
I understand and sympathize with this idea but this will probably NEVER EVER END. Think of an end to change in civilization as we know it. If you're not stealing it, you have no reference point and hence have no idea what you're talking about.
"Anyway, I forgot to mention: No more stoner sludge metal"
agreed. i can live without it.
"Also, no more bands that have more than 5 members (okay, I will give leeway at 6, but 7 is too much and I will not even give them a chance)"
I resent that.
Your usage of "pretending" interests me. You mean like pretending to be above it all? I don't like that either. I'm not handing out any accusations, but while we're on the subject of pretending...
punk rock: the land of make believe...
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Post by Will 2 on Jan 6, 2006 16:50:24 GMT -5
Sorry dude... New Year.
I expect everyone to live up to my inconsequential, totally subjective, useless, divisive, and momentary rules. Everyone who doesn't is a mall punk.
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Post by Will 2 on Jan 6, 2006 16:54:23 GMT -5
Also, this Buddyhead thing happens to everyone I know. I get no material from Buddyhead. Those hacks couldn't write a monolouge for the life of'em. Their label, site, and bands suck. Axl Rose isn't funny, he's just annoying. I say, don't reinvent Axl Rose. Just murder him or something. I'm sure I missed the point, though.
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Post by AR on Jan 6, 2006 17:20:38 GMT -5
Dude, they used to be convincing though! That first 4 song Icarus Line ep was great. The album after it had a song that was pretty good but i realized they tricked me into buying the piece of shit. I think also, the fact that everyone who writes for that site has some John Reis hard-on tricked me too. Shifty ones. Henry Owings and Chunklet, on the other hand, do a funnier and waaay better job than those Dutyheads. And they share the Reis-McPheeters complex as well...
btw, I hope you don't think your post offended me or that i was for some reason offended by it, not more than it should anyway. Once, I get on a roll, I can't stop myself.
For a great portrait of axl, see the gnr behind the music. Yea yea, the stale format of the show kind of drives people away, but they do a good job of showing axl as the tool that he is.
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Post by xnickx on Jan 7, 2006 1:44:06 GMT -5
X's around the bandname (in any way other than as a joke, which I will let pass) Any joke bands DENIED! |
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Post by xnickx on Jan 7, 2006 1:47:59 GMT -5
also - i have my PMA as does my straightedge band (oh no!) Give It Up
aka - never listen to us in 2006
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Post by matt on Jan 7, 2006 3:35:33 GMT -5
is chunklet good? because that's not the impression i got, but then the only one i've looked through was the overrated issue. black flag, dr. dre, and i think parliament were on the list. but then later in the issue, they're spilling their seed over the band loincloth ("to put it bluntly, the most amazing fucking metal band...") as if, you know, The Chronic or Damaged they can take or leave, but LOINCLOTH, undoubtedly that's worth giving a fuck about
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Post by Will 2 on Jan 7, 2006 14:18:03 GMT -5
A band that jokes and a joke band are two different things. Just how being straight edge and being a stereotypical youth crew edge band are two different things.
In any case, you formed before the deadline.
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Post by original will on Jan 7, 2006 14:55:05 GMT -5
so basically youre not going to ever listen to any punk or HC band ever again...
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